The Celebration of the Court Jester's Insight

The inertial state of all the matter in the Universe, is clearly the result of some initial force or ‘prime mover’, yet we still do not know what that force was.

Today, such knowledge is worth a king’s ransom but no one has claimed it yet.
The Inflationary Big Bang Model, serves for now, as the official kick-off that got the game underway for the Universe.

It is riddled with problems and it is inevitable that the scientific fraternity will one day have to issue (in one form or another) the following statement or headline;
“We have discovered that the Higgs Boson does not exist!”

Are we ready for that headline? Are we prepared? How will we feel?
All hell will break loose in the world of Cosmology, and chaos will rule.

I once asked an astrophysicist, who was hosting a discussion on the Inflationary Big Bang theory, that very question. What if the Higgs boson is not found?
He calmly replied that they are already working on that possibility. He said in that event, they will attempt to introduce something called MOND to the forefront of physics.
He explained that ‘MOND’ is a mathematical model of MOdified Newtonian Dynamics. “Gravity,” he said, “might be found to change under extreme conditions.”

I do not believe they will get very far with MOND.
Besides, Newtonian dynamics remains to this day, a sure footing, and does not need to be underpinned by a new foundation.

Just as Inflation replaced the ‘singularity’ as the cause of the Big Bang of Creation,
MOND will attempt to alter the gravity that was supposed to have caused the singularity.
To me, this smacks of a snake biting its tail while flipped into a figure eight!
If we were to use this snake as a V-belt to drive the pulleys of Newton’s Universe, we will end up going backwards!
Inflationary theory relies on the existence of the Higgs field, and that in turn relies on the existence of the Higgs Boson.
The Higgs Boson is considered to have endowed every particle in existence, via the Higgs field, with mass. That’s right, mass.
They say that without the Higgs (which may not exist), all known particles that do exist, would be massless !

That in turn implies that gravity would not exist either, and without gravity, there would be no light ! Holy smoke !
We end up with a Universe of supposedly ‘critical’ density, composed of matter without mass, just like a bunch of bosons lurking about with nothing to do.
We might ask; “where did all the fermions go”.

Now imagine a court jester telling his King (of the Cosmos) that this conclusion makes no sense at all.
The King will tend to agree with the fool, and by default, so will his subjects, (all the stars and planets).
So the King sagaciously declares; “The whole argument bears no weight, there has to be another way!”
The jester replies, “Sire, methinks that mass was always hiding in this dark matter, and is occasionally allowing us to see the gravity of the matter in a new light.”
The King looked totally perplexed…

With that single statement, the jester was immediately appointed as the ‘Astronomer Royal’.
After many years of observation into the darkness of space, and endless hours of deep thought, the jester appeared before the King as the astronomer royal, and drearily declared; “Sire, I have the solution.”
“I warn you, Fool, I take a dim view on the matter!” said the King.
So before hearing the jester’s explanation, the King asked him the following twenty questions from a checklist he had personally compiled on a royal letterhead.
The wise King had made sure that in his opinion, the answer to each question was known to be “NO”.

Are we at the center of the Universe?
Does a singularity exist?
Have you needed to modify Newton’s work?
Can gravity exist without mass?
Can energy be created without matter?
Can matter exist without mass?
Can mass exist without energy?
Have they found the Higgs Boson?
Have Supersymetry’s famous neutralinos been found?
Have they found an Axion?
Have we discovered any hidden dimension of the superstring theory?
Has General relativity been disproved?
Has M-theory proved to be correct?
Has every action ever been proven not to have a reaction?
Has the concept of inertia ever been disproved?
Can we prove that the evolution of the Universe is not cyclical?
Do we know what causes dark energy?

The Jester Royal answered every one of the King’s questions correctly up to this point, to the utter disbelief of the subjects of the Cosmos.
The King said, “Well done, Fool, but now for the final question, and be warned, it’s the most difficult of all”.
“Question number twenty is ;

Do we know what dark matter is?”

Starting to giggle and bubble, the jester answered, ‘No Sire, but I have the solution! '
He told the court that in a fit of madness, it had occurred to him that dark matter consists of four neutron stars welded together, and from their common center, they share a common radius that lies inside their common Schwarzchild radius.

The subjects gazed blankly at this ex-joker, the Astronomer Royal.
Some even nodded off.
After a long, thoughtful pause, the King announced; “By Jove, Jester, you’ve found the missing mass ! ”
The King said that he would get his goldsmiths to weld him up just such an object, to be used as the royal seal from that time onward.

The King named the object of the jester’s dreams, the “Quadron”, and commented that it did indeed make the perfect container in which to store and hide vast amounts of hydrogen from view.

The King was a bit of a ‘throne physicist’, and he worked out that if there were enough quadrons, and some of them spilled their neutrons, there would be plenty of hydrogen about to form the first stars.
He determined that about four percent of the quadrons should get smashed.

The King bellowed, “Let’s celebrate the fool’s discovery of mass with a really big bash!”
All the subjects of the Cosmos rejoiced; it was like the fourth of July, and they felt somehow emancipated.
This was because deep down, they all had vague suppressed memories of once being part of a neutron star, and it was the village idiot that had caused the champaign corks to pop, in celebrating this enlightenment. What a party!

Nine (hundred million) months later, infant stars, the first-born, entered the visible Universe, and boy, were they a welcome ray of sunshine to a previously dark and gloomy lot, still hung over from the party.
All these newborn stars were the illegitimate progeny of a few quadrons who became absolutely smashed during the celebrations of the jester's insight.

The King was delighted, because science was back on track, and all his subjects behaved as was expected of them.
The Jester Astronomer Royal lived happily ever after, because the King gave him his old job back.

The King philosophically professed, isn’t it amazing that we are even here at all, in spite of there being no Higgs Boson, to leave such a fantastic tale to all who come hereafter? He called it the 'mild' anthropic principle.

The End.